Sue Scheff on Lifetime's The Balancing Act

What a fantastic opportunity to showcase my first book, Wit's End!

Today Kristin Stattel, Author and Youth Advocate, and myself were featured on The Balancing Act - a Lifetime Television Series.

Speaking of my new book, Wit’s End! on this segment, Kristin also shared some of her experiences when she was struggling during her youth years. Her upcoming book, It’s All Good! will help teens to better understand the pressures of today’s society and give them inspiration and hope. Kristin is an amazing young adult who spends her time giving back to others as well as going to college. She is a mentor to so many youths!

More Teens Are Getting Plastic Surgery

By Connect with Kids

“I could not stand to look in the mirror one more day looking at me the way I was. I just couldn’t do it.”

– Ashleigh Giglio, 18 years old

The body changes … the teasing. Our insecurity with our own bodies begins in puberty and can continue throughout life. How should parents respond when teenagers say they hate the way they look?

Ashleigh, 18, recently had plastic surgery on her nose to correct a bump caused by a childhood injury. “After she had it done she’s been a different person,” says her mom, Ridley Giglio. “She’s happy. She’s happy all the time.”

Like Ashleigh, many kids grow up disappointed with the way they look.

In 2007, 11.7 million Americans had cosmetic surgery. More than 200,000 were just teens.

But is cosmetic surgery a good option for younger teenagers? Experts say probably not, unless the anxiety is extreme. “The time that parents really need start getting concerned is when these concerns that a teenager has actually gets in the way of them doing things,” says child psychiatrist Shannon Croft. “They don’t want to go to school because somebody is going to notice how they look. They start avoiding social situations, party’s friends they normally would go to,” he says.

Most of the time, concerns about appearance are normal, and dissipate over time, Croft says. “Usually as people get older they get more comfortable with how they look and their body, and a lot of these concerns will diminish on their own.”

Ashleigh’s younger sister Angela wants cosmetic surgery, too. But her mother has decided that at age 14 she is too young. “Angela, that would be something when she’s older, evaluate it then. I just think right now, she’s got the family nose. And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Ridley Giglio says.

Tips for Parents

For most children, adolescence is time of introspection and self-evaluation. Virtually every facet of their lives is put under a microscope as they try to determine where and how they “fit in’ with their family, their peers, and the world at large. Typically, part of this self-evaluation process is focused upon physical appearance. Unfortunately for some teens, the nature of their evaluation tends to be hypercritical, and not very well based in reality. For example, a teenager may become convinced that her nose is too big, her breasts are too small, his teeth are crooked, her hips are too big, and other common misconceptions. Regardless of whether the perceived flaws are real or imagined, the emotional upset and pain experienced by these teens is very real and very painful to them.

How can parents help their teens deal with body image misperceptions? Dr. Rex Forehand, a psychologist specializing in child and adolescent issues, suggests that parents consider the following ideas in helping their children deal with their negative feelings.

Listen and respond when your child talks about negative perceptions of her or himself.
Don't just "wave it off". The negative perception may not be true, but it is important to your child.

Talk and respond with empathy but don't dwell on the negative perception (don't bring it up).
If the negative perception is false, reassure your child. If there is some truth to the negative perception (your child does have ears that stick out, acne, etc.), "counter argue" by presenting the positives of your child.

Work on building your child's self-esteem by:
limiting negative feedback to your child;
praising his efforts and positive behavior;
spending quality time with your child;
accepting your child by communicating love and affection;
teaching your child to use positive self-talk. That is, encourage your child to say positive things about him or herself whenever they do something positive. Parents can do this through modeling by complimenting themselves whenever they do something positive, and by complimenting their child by using phrases such as "you should be so proud of yourself for..."

References
American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery
Grady Healthcare Systems

Sue Scheff: Is it a Diet or An Eating Disorder?

Source: Health AtoZ

Your teenager skips meals, becomes obsessed with weight loss and goes on wacky diets. You wonder if this is a passing phase or one of those eating disorders you hear so much about.

While it's a leap to link a teen's poor eating habits to an eating disorder, experts contend poor dieting, if taken to the extreme, can in fact lead to a health-threatening, life-threatening eating disorder.

Pamela Guthrie, an outreach director for the American Anorexia Bulimia Association (AABA) a nonprofit organization dedicated to the prevention and treatment of eating disorders, characterizes eating disorders and disordered eating as different degrees of eating abnormally. Disordered eating may mean frequently missing meals, yo-yo dieting, popping diet pills (diuretics) and cutting out whole groups of food. Eating disorders, she explains, are not triggered solely by the desire to be thin.

"Eating disorders are about food, but they're really not about food," she says. "They are usually about psychological problems, low self-esteem, stress and depression."

People with eating disorders tend to use food to gain a sense of control when they feel out of control, to gain a sense of self-esteem and self-worth, to manage depression and to express anger and rebellion, according to Guthrie, who as outreach director travels around high schools and colleges to educate students about eating disorders.

A growing problem

Both disordered eating habits and eating disorders have grown to be a major problem among teenagers, according to both psychiatric and nutrition experts. And both, they say, are dangerous.

A teenager who has poor eating habits misses out on important vitamins and minerals that help prevent disease later on down the road. A teenager who has an eating disorder runs the risk of serious malnutrition, dehydration, heart disease or heart attack and other serious health consequences, according to AABA.

It's estimated that 90 percent of high school juniors and seniors have been on a diet, although only between 10 percent and 15 percent are overweight, Guthrie says. What's more, 80 percent of 10-year-old girls and 50 percent of 9-year-old girls have been on a diet, according to the Council on Size and Weight Discrimination, a nonprofit organization in New York.

As for true eating disorders, the American Psychiatric Association estimates that between 1 percent and 4 percent of teens and young adults have one type of eating disorder or another, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. Nutritionist Frances Berg, editor of the "Healthy Eating Journal" and author of the book "Afraid to Eat: Children and Teens in Weight Crisis," cautions parents that their own eating habits, particularly if they are rabid dieters, can set their children up for poor and even dangerous eating practices. "Adults keep running after every new weight-loss program or product while their kids watch their bizarre behavior and think it's normal," Berg says.

Eating disorder characteristics

How can you tell whether your child's dieting practices have gone too far and may be signs of an eating disorder? Guthrie says it's important for parents to first educate themselves about good nutrition and eating disorders.

The characteristics of the two eating disorders associated with obsessive weight loss:

People who have anorexia eat very little even though they are thin. They have an intense fear of body fat and weight gain.
People with bulimia tend to binge and purge. That is, they will get rid of food that they have just eaten by vomiting or taking laxatives or diuretics (water pills). They also have a fear of body fat even though their size or weight may be normal for them.
"With an anorexic, the first things to look for are the physical signs. They will show distinct weight loss," Guthrie says. "The signs are harder to see with a bulimic. A parent should look for behaviors, such as a constant obsession with food and weight or constant comments about foods being too fattening."

Another sign of someone having bulimia is not wanting to eat with the rest of the family. "They may want to eat in private, or they go to the bathroom (to purge) after they eat," Guthrie adds.

They may also offer excuses for why they don't want to eat. "They say they're too busy to eat. They're not hungry in the morning. They don't like cafeteria food," Guthrie says.

Parents and school coaches should also be on the lookout for what experts call "exercise bulimia." "Too much exercise can be just as dangerous as purging," Guthrie contends. "If they eat a piece of cake, they think they have to work that off. They exercise several hours every day."

Finally, Guthrie advises parents to look for signs of depression or antisocial behavior closely related to eating disorders. If you suspect your teenager has an eating disorder, don't keep your suspicions to yourself. "Sit down with your child and let them know you're really worried about them," she says.

Read entire article, including tips for parents here: http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/common/standard/transform.jsp?requestURI=/healthatoz/Atoz/dc/cen/ment/eatd/alert03162000.jsp

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Struggling Teens, Troubled Teens, Rebellious Teens - Do you need Teen Help?

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

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HIV Complaceny

By Connect with Kids

“The HIV and AIDS education prevention message is not being delivered to youth in a way that motivates them to change behaviors.”

– Edward Gray, Ed.D., commenting on the rise of HIV infection rates among young people

Qaadir has friends who are gay… so does Wesley. But when it comes to HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, many kids don’t seem concerned.

“Most kids my age, they don’t think HIV is a serious problem,” says Wesley, 14.

“There’s medicines for this disease and…for this disease…for that one, and they’re not thinking if they catch this it might be a lifelong thing,” adds 15-year-old Qaadir.

In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control, after years of decline, the number of AIDS cases among people ages 15 to 24 has risen 15 percent in the last five years.

“It’s a very alarming trend,” says Dr. Edward Gray, professor of counseling.

As medications have allowed people with HIV to live longer, healthier lives, the image kids have of the virus isn’t someone dying, but instead, someone who appearsto be living a healthy, normal life.

“The story now about AIDS is that it’s a trip to the doctor and it’s medication,” says Gray, “Whereas 20 years ago, the story of AIDS was going to funerals.”

Gray says parents need to help their children understand that the AIDS virus is still incurable and deadly, and that those who live with it face a daily struggle.

“Most people don’t want to take needles, and most people don’t want to be regimented that every three hours they’re popping a dozen pills,” says Gray, “I mean people [with AIDS] take cocktails of pills, it’s not just one thing. And just that kind of burden might grab their attention.”

Qaadir agrees. “I mean, you don’t want to wake up every morning and if you cough have to go to the doctor because you might be, you know, ready to pass out from whatever disease.”

Tips for Parents

Recent reports show that nearly half of high school students are or have been sexually active. Unfortunately, with sexual activity comes an increase in Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). That’s why it is extremely important to talk to your kids about being sexually responsible – before they engage in sex. Consider the following statistics provided by The Alan Guttmacher Institute:

Every year three million sexually active teens – about one-in-four – acquire an STD.
A single act of unprotected sex with an infected partner puts a teenage woman at a one percent risk of acquiring HIV, a 30 percent risk of getting genital herpes, and a 50 percent chance of contracting gonorrhea.

Chlamydia is more common among teens than among older men and women. In some testing situations, 10 to 29 percent of sexually active teenage women and 10 percent of teenage men were found to have Chlamydia.

Teens have higher rates of gonorrhea than sexually active men and women aged 20 to 44.
Talking to your child about sex and sexually transmitted diseases may not be something you look forward to, but it could be the most important step in protecting your child from risky sexual behavior. Studies show that teenagers who feel highly connected to their parents are far more likely to delay sexual activity than their peers. Before approaching this sensitive topic, consider the following tips developed by Peer to Peer: Stop, Think, Be Safe!

Start early – Research shows that younger children seek their parent's advice more than adolescents, who tend to depend more on their friends and the media. Take advantage of the opportunity to talk with your young children about sexual health. Discussing dating, relationships, STDs and HIV can make a lasting impression. And it gives you a chance to provide your children with accurate information that reflects your personal values and principles. The quality of parent-child relationships has an important influence on adolescents' sexual behaviors.
Initiate conversations with your child – Don't wait for your children to ask you about sex, HIV or STDs. Although you can hope that your children come to you with their questions and concerns, it may not happen. Use everyday opportunities to talk about issues related sexual health. For example, news stories, music, television shows or movies are great starters for bringing up health topics. If your family is watching a television show where the teenagers are promiscuous or a teen is pregnant, ask your kids what they thought of the program when it’s over. Ask if they agree with the behavior or decisions of the teenagers in the show. Just a few questions can start a valuable conversation.

Talk WITH your child, not AT your child – Make sure you listen to your children the way you want your children to listen to you. Try to ask questions that will encourage them to share specific information about feelings, decisions and actions. Try to understand exactly what your kids are saying. It is important for your kids to feel that they have been heard. Try not to be judgmental. Let your kids know that you value their opinions, even when they differ from your own.

Create an open environment – Research shows that kids who feel their parents speak openly about sex and listen to them carefully are less likely to engage in high-risk behaviors, compared to teenagers who do not feel they can talk with their parents about sex. Adolescents who report a sense of connection to their parents, family and school, and who have a higher grade point average, are more likely than other teens to wait to engage in intercourse. Teens who report previous discussions of sexuality with parents are seven times more likely to feel able to communicate with a partner about HIV/AIDS than those who have not had such discussions. An open family environment not only reduces sexual risk-taking behaviors, it also gives teenagers a safe place to ask questions and get accurate information. As parents, be available, honest and attentive. Praise your children for coming to you to talk about sex, which will teach them that you are always available for information or advice.

Be prepared and practice – It isn't necessarily easy to talk about sex with your kids. In fact, it can be extremely difficult for some parents. Don't be afraid to practice. You can practice in front of a mirror, with your spouse or partner, or with friends. Your ability to speak comfortably about sexual health will make your children more comfortable asking questions and discussing sensitive issues.

Be honest: It's okay to say, "I don't know" – When your children trust and value your opinion, they will be more likely to come to you with their questions and concerns. It’s also important to know that you do not need to be a sexual health expert. It's okay if you don't know all the answers to all of your children's questions. It’s okay and honest to say, "I don't know." In fact, if you don't know the answer to a question, you can search for the correct information together.
Communicate your values – In addition to talking to your children about the biological facts of sex, it's important that they also learn that sexual relationships involve emotions, caring and responsibility. Parents need to share their values and principles about sex. Although your children may not adopt these values as their own, they are an important source of information as your children develop their own set of values about sexuality.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Peer to Peer: Stop, Think, Be Safe!
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services
Campaign for our Children, Inc.

Sue Scheff: Teenage Depression

Dr. Paul Jenkins (Family Coach) interviewed with Dr. Gary Nelson, the author of “A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression”. I found this book to be personal and very informative, with a nice conversational tone. His story is based on his years of counseling experience, as well as his personal experiences with his son, Tom. Dr. Nelson’s insights are valuable to those of us who are trying to understand both teens and depression. You can contact Dr. Nelson through his website, survivingteendepression.com.

Listen here: July 8th Call

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I read this book and found it extremely informational and and a must read for any parent that is debating whether their child is struggling with depression.

Dr. Gary Nelson is a parent that struggled with his own son. His journey with his son and his family helps you to understand that many of us having difficulties today are not alone. Gary Nelson creates an awareness that many people seem to overlook or simply don’t want to face. If you suspect your teen or pre-teen is suffering with depression, I recommend this book - it can give you a lot of insight.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Home Alone

By Connect with Kids

“99 Percent of the time we would follow the rules but you know, every time every now and then you want to just stray from the circle and do what you want instead of the rules.”

– Jamal, 16 years old

We know them as latch key kids. Most afternoons they come home alone and unlock the door to a world free from adult supervision.

Once inside, they often encounter boredom … and temptation.

Because both of his parents work, sixteen-year-old Jamal Inegbedion spends many afternoons home alone with his sister. He says it’s hard to be good all the time, “99 Percent of the time we would follow the rules but you know, every time every now and then you want to just stray from the circle and do what you want instead of the rules.”

Whether young or old, kids alone are prime targets for trouble.

“When there’s no parent around or anyone involved in supervising them they have idle time,” explains Judge Greg Adams, “and what is the old adage idle time is the devil’s workshop. And as a result of that, they get with other young people and they are experimenting with drugs. That’s when a lot of it takes place right after school before the parents get home.”

So, how do parents decide when to leave kids alone? How to keep them safe? And how to keep them out of trouble?

Experts say leaving kids alone before age twelve is a big risk.

After that, “Try very short periods of time and see how the child reacts and how fearful they are,” advises David Hellwig from Child Protective Services. “A parent really knows their child best about their maturity level. [And] Certainly, having emergency phone numbers being immediately available; whether there’s a supportive neighbor relative close by.”

Give them specific instructions, chores to keep them busy, rules to follow and make sure kids know there are consequences for bad behavior.

Jamal’s mom says her kids know the rules … and what will happen if they don’t follow them. “I would let them know that if they didn’t follow instruction I would punish them but most of all worse things could happen to them.”


Tips for Parents
Every day in America, nearly 8 million children go home to an empty house. Experts say, the after school hours are the peak time for juvenile crime and risky behaviors. The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reports that teens are at the highest risk of being a victim of violence between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. and the peak hour for juvenile crime is from 3 p.m. and 4 p.m., just after school is dismissed. Studies also show that students who don’t take part in after-school activities, such as sports or after-school programs are 49 percent more likely to have used drugs and 37 percent more likely to become teen parents.

The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center defines after-school programs as safe, structured activities that convene regularly in the hours after school and offer activities to help children learn new skills and develop into responsible adults. Activities may cover such topics as technology, reading, math, science and the arts. And the programs may also offer new experiences for children, such as community service, internships or tutoring and mentoring opportunities.

As a parent, why should you consider an after-school program for your child? Without structured, supervised activities in the after-school hours, youth are at greater risk of being victims of crime or participating in antisocial behaviors.

If you are interested in enrolling your child in an after-school program, you have several different types from which to choose. The Educational Resources Information Center says that a good after-school program should offer children the chance to have fun and feel comforted, as well as motivate them to learn. The best programs offer a comprehensive set of activities that do the following for your child:

Foster his or her self-worth and develop his or her self-care skills
Develop his or her personal and interpersonal social skills and promote respect for cultural diversity.
Provide help with homework, tutoring and other learning activities
Provide time and space for quiet study
Provide new, developmentally appropriate enrichment activities to add to his or her learning at school, help him or her develop thinking and problem-solving skills and spark curiosity and love of learning
Provide recreational and physical activities to develop physical skills and constructively channel his or her energy pent up after a day sitting in a classroom
Encourage participation in individual sports activities to help develop self-esteem by striving for a personal best, and participation in group sports to provide lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution
Provide age-appropriate job readiness training
Provide information about career and career-training options, preferably through firsthand experiences with community business leaders and tours of local businesses
Some programs may be excellent while others may be lacking in resources and staff, and therefore, less attractive to parents. It is important when choosing an after-school program to ask questions, visit the facility and get to know the staff.


References
21st Century Community Learning Centers
Boys & Girls Clubs of America
Educational Resources Information Center
National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Sue Scheff: Teen Mischieft and Theft

Too Young to Start

There are almost as many reasons teens steal as there are things for teens to steal. One of the biggest reasons teens steal is peer pressure. Often, teens will steal items as a means of proving’ that they are “cool enough” to hang out with a certain group. This is especially dangerous because if your teen can be convinced to break the law for petty theft, there is a strong possibility he or she can be convinced to try other, more dangerous behaviors, like drinking or drugs. It is because of this that it is imperative you correct this behavior before it escalates to something beyond your control.

Another common reason teens steal is because they want an item their peers have but they cannot afford to purchase. Teens are very peer influenced, and may feel that if they don’t have the ‘it’ sneakers or mp3 player, they’ll be considered less cool than the kids who do. If your teen cannot afford these items, they may be so desperate to fit in that they simply steal the item. They may also steal money from you or a sibling to buy such an item. If you notice your teen has new electronics or accessories that you know you did not buy them, and your teen does not have a job or source of money, you may want to address whereabouts they came up with these items.

Teens may also steal simply for a thrill. Teens who steal for the ‘rush’ or the adrenaline boost are often simply bored and/ or testing the limits of authority. They may not even need or want the item they’re stealing! In cases like these, teens can act alone or as part of a group. Often, friends accompanying teens who shoplift will act as a ‘lookout’ for their friend who is committing the theft. Unfortunately, even if the lookout doesn’t actually steal anything, the can be prosecuted right along with the actual teen committing the crime, so its important that you make sure your teen is not aiding his or her friends who are shoplifting.

Yet another reason teens steal is for attention. If your teen feels neglected at home, or is jealous of the attention a sibling is getting, he or she may steal in the hopes that he or she is caught and the focus of your attention is diverted to them. If you suspect your teen is stealing or acting out to gain your attention, it is important that you address the problem before it garners more than just your attention, and becomes part of their criminal record. Though unconventional, this is your teen’s way of asking for your help- don’t let them down!

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